hi there

[ayebydan]

Hi there.

I'm Sam and I am nonbinary, afab. I have never really felt like I have belonged in a community like this and I hope that will change. I respond to female pronouns mostly because I don't live in a position where many would respect any others. Given I don't find female pronouns especially triggering I just kind of...live with it? Many friends simply use my name in place of pronouns and I like that.

I don't find my birth name triggering either most of the time; I just don't feel connected to it. If I hear 'Samantha' it simply does not register that someone is talking to me. However if I heard it and know I am being addressed I do find it jarring and uncomfortable. I feel like calling it triggering would be disrespectful to others who struggle far more hearing their dead names. I am privileged that the my birth name has a gender-neutral shortened version and society often immediately asks me 'do you prefer being called something else'?, usually meaning Sammy or Sam and I can then use my preferred name.



I guess for a long time I have felt caught between two worlds. Even as a non-binary person I have been accused of not being non-binary enough because of the things I have mentioned. I just want to find a place that accepts me for who I am I guess and I hope that place is here.

Comments

[alexseanchai]

You are valid. AFAB demigirl is a 100% valid way to be nonbinary. Not that I know whether demigirl describes you, but whatever more specific term describes you is also a valid way to be nonbinary. People telling you that you are less nonbinary for being (sort of) okay with your birth-assigned name and pronouns are 100% full of shit.

[the_bell_jar]

Hi, Sam, I'm Peggy and am also new here and also non-binary afab who uses she/her pronouns. Our identities are 100% valid! We are who we are. ❤️

[ayebydan]

DG is something I have heard of but am not sure I identify with at this point. Thank yo for your support. It means a heck of a lot.

[ayebydan]

Thank you. So glad to hear more people identify in similar ways <3

[sparkythegeek]

Howdy!

[rosefox]

Hello! I see you. <3 You are real and you get to use whatever words work for you. "I don't really care one way or another" is a perfectly valid approach to pronouns and any other part of identity! Welcome. :)

[forthwritten]

Hello! You are welcome here!

I do use singular "they" as pronouns and honestly, it can be a massive hassle to get people to use them. If using she/her doesn't cause particular distress and your friends use a name for you that you feel comfortable using, you're making a perfectly valid decision about where you want to direct your energy.

[alexseanchai]

^

Like I've got a sign up at my cubicle with my pronouns? But I was "she" and deadname to them for five years and I'm still working on them using my realname every time, and I need all my cope to get through the work day anyway, and (esp because President Orange) I'm exceedingly grateful to HAVE a job in a state where gender identity discrimination is illegal, so them actually calling me "they" is not a Now battle.

[alexseanchai]

:)

[komischkatze]

Oh hey ^^
I'm NB and use gendered pronouns for the most part, too - honestly, I'm happy enough to be read as binary for the most part 'cause... Well, it's like, half right, I guess? Close enough, especially for strangers that I don't care for the opinions of.
It doesn't make either of us any less real or valid <3 There's no one right way to be nonbinary.

[ayebydan]

♥